Her Mothering Heart
by VeraRose19
Summary: If you think her hands are full, you should see her heart. A little Valentine's Day sweetness. Red navigating the postpartum fog with Nicky as her adorable biological daughter. [One-Shot]


The beauty of the rising sun could hardly be appreciated when it gleamed through the open window of Galina Reznikov's apartment, taunting her for having just survived another sleepless night. Exhaling a mournful sigh, she turned her head to look down at the newborn babe nestled in the crook of her arm. As exhausted as she was, Galina's heart surged with love as she brushed her lips against the dark head of hair. She had the rest of her life to catch up on sleep, she reminded herself, but only a short time to cradle her baby when he was this small. As hard as it was, this was a time to be cherished.

She had thought this part of her life was over. She hadn't intended to have another baby. She already had her hands full with three and had sincerely worried that there wouldn't be enough time, energy, and resources to allow for one more. Yet, after overcoming her immediate shock, Galina had been filled with joy at the idea of another little one to love. Her two oldest children, Yuri and Maxim, had shared in her excitement but their little sister, Nicky, had been very opposed to losing her place as the baby of the family.

Galina had been confident that Nicky would come around once her brother was born. She brought her daughter along to doctor and ultrasound appointments, got her to feel the baby's kicks in her belly, and tried to include her in the preparations leading up to Vasily's birth but Nicky never really had much interest. It didn't help that her big brothers both attended school and at almost three, Nicky was very used to having her mother's full attention during the days and liked it that way. Once her brother was born, she became ever more possessive of her mother and resented how much time was spent cradling and nursing the baby. Galina felt that every moment she wasn't tending to her newborn was spent consoling her daughter. Suffice it to say, she was exhausted and reminding herself that this phase wouldn't last forever was little comfort when she was in the middle of it.

She hadn't had more than three hours of solid sleep since Vasily had been born, her daughter was acting out, and she felt increasingly guilty for the lack of attention she had been giving to her older two. Her husband had never been much help and still chose to spend the majority of his time hanging out with friends instead of supporting his wife while she attempted to juggle four under six and recover from childbirth. Dmitri hadn't even gotten home until past eleven last night which meant he would most definitely be sleeping in today.

Sighing, Galina distracted herself from her irritation by looking back down at her newborn son. Vasily had slept fitfully the entire night, awakening almost immediately whenever she attempted to lay him in his bassinet. He was only content in his mother's arms, laying across her breasts and listening to the beating rhythm of her heart. Still so new to the world, she was all he knew and his need for closeness overruled her own necessity for some decent sleep. So many times, she had fallen asleep holding him or accidentally when they lay together in bed so that she could nurse him. Each time she would be jolted awake, terrified in her exhaustion she may accidentally harm him. The anxieties of the night. It was always something of a relief to see the rising sun and not need to worry for a little while. Mothering was hard.

"Mama, mama…." Galina could hear her little girl's voice calling from the bedroom across the hall. Moments later, she heard the creak of floorboards and then the sound of tiny feet in footed pajamas shuffling over.

"Nicky? Why are you awake, honey?" Galina whispered, stifling a yawn. "It's still early…."

"I wanted you," Nicky answered simply, before she crawled up the side of the bed and over to her mother's side.

Galina lifted Vasily out of harm's way just in time, as Nicky plopped herself down in the spot directly where he had been laying. Murmuring shushing sounds, to soothe the baby that had been startled by the brisk movement, she rocked him gently for a few seconds before leaning over to lay him in the bassinet directly beside her bed.

"You wanted me, huh?" she repeated, pulling Nicky onto her now vacant lap for a cuddle. "What for?" she asked, leaning over to kiss Nicky's curly dirty-blonde locks.

"It's morning-time" Nicky announced cheerfully.

"Not quite yet," Galina replied, as Nicky wrapped her arms and legs around her torso like a baby monkey. "Mama needs to try and get a little rest before I have to get your brothers up for school. And you need a little more sleep or you aren't going to make it to your nap time…"

"I don't want nap," Nicky said, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

"You can stay with me if you're quiet," Galina whispered, looking over at the bassinet where Vasily was fidgeting restlessly as he attempted to break free of his swaddle. It seemed too much to hope that he would settle himself to sleep but it was worth a try. She unwrapped Nicky's legs from around her and then gently laid the toddler down on the mattress beside her.

"But I need you to close your eyes…" she reminded her softly, tucking a strand of curly hair behind her daughter's ear. Nicky obediently closed her eyes and smiled when her mother curled up beside her and covered them both with the blanket.

They lay like that for less than a minute before Vasily's squirms and coos converted into a high-pitched cry. Galina automatically sat up and had reached into the bassinet to pick up the baby before she had even properly opened her eyes.

"Nooo," Nicky cried out in protest, sticking out her bottom lip in an adorably pout as she glared over at her mother.

"Nicky…"

"Put him back!" Nicky called out, kicking her legs out in frustration.

Galina bit down on her own lip as she pulled down the collar of her pajama top so that she could latch the baby to her breast. It was hard not to feel like a terrible mother when all her daughter wanted was some early morning snuggles at the same time that her newborn needed to nurse. It was such a hard dilemma, but at this moment in time the baby's needs had to take precedence.

"Mama…" Nicky whined.

"Shush," Galina ordered, as the baby began to suckle determinedly, completely unaware of the conflict he had brought about.

"I want…"

"You can't," Galina replied in a clipped tone. "You need to close your eyes...or do you want Papa to go sleep with you in your own bed? He's on the couch, I can wake him."

"I don't want Papa…." Nicky moaned. "I want you."

Well then close your eyes and go to sleep," Galina instructed. "I'm right here, honey. I'm not going anywhere…"

XXX

Galina never did successfully get to sleep before her alarm went off, announcing it was time to officially begin the day. Vasily's cooed up at her happily as she changed and dressed him in a warm fleece sleeper for the frigid February weather. Then she cradled him in one arm before turning around to give her daughter a discerning stare.

For all her talk about not being tired, Nicky had all but passed out once she'd finished having the minor tantrum her brother's awaking had invoked. Galina was tempted to leave her there, sleeping stomach down, with her head on the pillow, and her bottom stuck up in the air. The little girl always found odd positions to sleep in and managed to look adorable in all of them. She could probably use the lie in considering the emotional roller-coaster the toddler had been riding since her mother had brought the baby home from the hospital, but Galina knew it would infuriate Nicky not to be awake to see her brothers off. Hugging and kissing Yuri and Maxim goodbye before they hopped on the school bus was part of her daily routine. Nicky loved watching the bus drive away.

"Miss. Nicky are you waking up?" Galina coaxed gently. With Vasily still snug in one arm, she used her alternate hand to run up and down her daughter's spine until she shook her shoulder a little more forcefully.

"Mmmmmm…" Nicky moaned.

"Come help me wake your brothers," Galina suggested, stroking her fingers through Nicky's locks and getting them stuck in a tangle-another thing she had fallen behind on. She'd have to remember to fix up her hair before they went anywhere today.

Nicky sat up with her brown eyes glimmering mischievously at the prospect of waking her big brothers up. Even more than she liked being her mother's helper, she always seemed to enjoy being something of a pest to the older two.

"I'll wake them up for you mama," Nicky offered jovially and then scampered off the bed and out of the room. Her mother could hear her daughter's jeering laughter before there was a thud and the sound was replaced with crying.

"Let's go see what's going on, my darling boy," Galina sighed, adjusting Vasily in her arms and kissing his plump cheek. "Did you know that I think you're the quietest out of all of them? And babies are allowed to be noisy. Hmm…"

She carried him out of the room and down the hall to the room where her two oldest children slept. One quick look around the room and at her three suspects gave her enough of an idea of what had transpired.

"Yuri pushed Nicky," Maxim offered helpfully, as Nicky continued to sit flat on her bottom in the middle of the floor, still dressed adorably in her blue footed pajamas.

"Yuri," Galina scolded. Though she could tell that Nicky's cries were the fake exaggerated kind that she was maintaining to hopefully get her brother in trouble, Galina couldn't abide by pushing.

"She jumped right on my stomach, mama!" Yuri interrupted in outrage.

"Nicky…" Galina turned her stern look onto her daughter.

"No, I didn't!" Nicky countered back, flashing her brother an angry look and quite forgetting to cry.

"Yeah...she did do that," Maxim chimed in. "She jumped on my bed too but she didn't actually land on me."

"I didn't!" Nicky insisted, getting to her feet and rushing over to wrap herself around her mother's leg. "I didn't, Mama…"

"Aye," Galina shook her head, and couldn't resist rolling her eyes as her children all clamoured to give her their own versions of what happened, when she really didn't even care. They always seemed to be at each other's throats lately. It was almost as if they could tell their mother was exhausted and not on top of her game right now, so they could try to get away with more. .

"Never mind," she interrupted them, holding a hand up to silence their ensuing argument. "Boys you need to get dressed for school or we won't have time for breakfast," she reminded them, pointing to the two neatly folded sets of clothes on top of the dresser. She always picked out all the kids clothes the night before to make their morning routine go more smoothly.

"Come on, Nicky," Galina held out her hand for the little girl to grasp. "Let's go get you changed…"

"Mama, I want you to carry me," Nicky expressed, ignoring the offered hand as she held her arms up to be lifted.

"I can't," her mother shook her head, "I need to hold the baby."

"I'm your baby," Nicky insisted, stomping her foot.

"Yes, you are," Galina agreed. "But you're my baby that can walk, so let's go…"

Nicky pouted but reluctantly held hands so they could walk together into her own bedroom. Her room was small, but as the only girl she had it all to herself. Her father had made it for her, turning their two-bedroom apartment into three by stealing some space from the living room to give Nicky a spot of her own. Until recently it had hardly gotten any use since Nicky had slept in her mother's bed since birth and it was only about half-way through her pregnancy that Galina had decided she couldn't put off transitioning her daughter any longer.

Galina picked up the pile of clothes she had laid out for Nicky and smiled when she looked down at the outfit she had selected. White tights and a pink shirt covered in little hearts to wear underneath a red corduroy jumper. In the postpartum fog, Galina had almost forgotten what day it was, but not quite.

"Come here, my little valentine," she beckoned with her hand, as she sat down on the edge of Nicky's bed. Galina gently laid Vasily down beside her with his tiny body pressed against her thigh for continued closeness. The baby never failed to be roused when contact with his mother was severed, so Galina had learned to use other parts of her body when she needed her hands free to tend to something else.

"Valentine?" Nicky echoed questioningly, as she skipped over to stand in front of her mother.

"It's Valentine's Day," her mother explained, as she unzipped the front of Nicky's pajamas and helped her step out of them. "It's a day for celebrating the people you love."

Galina had never had much use for such commercial holidays before having kids. She and Dmitri had never really done anything together for it, she couldn't even remember the last time he had bought her chocolates or flowers just because. Yet, she'd found ways to enjoy it with the kids. Yuri and Maxim's valentine cards to distribute to their classmates had been done well in advance, because she had predicted correctly that she would be too busy to help make them once the baby was born. It was a good thing she had remembered to set out Nicky's Valentine outfit for today or she might have forgotten completely.

"Look, Mama, hearts!" Nicky exclaimed in delight as she pointed to one on her sleeve after her mother had helped her put it on.

"That's right," Galina nodded. "For my little heart…. you know there's one thing I need your help with. But it's a secret, so you can't tell your brothers, okay?"

"What?" Nicky asked, mystified.

"We should bake some special valentine cupcakes to bring to Yuri and Maxim's school today for their class parties," Galina suggested. "And then we can walk down to the school this afternoon." She was always baking and volunteering for the different events at her sons' school and though she knew her help wasn't expected when she had given birth so recently, Galina was suddenly struck with a desire to do something special for her older sons and thought it would be nice to do an activity with her daughter as well.

"Cupcakes?" Nicky repeated happily, "can they be chocolate ones?"

"Sure," Galina agreed, as she unfolded a pull-up and held it out for her daughter to step into. "And then do you want to go play with the big kids at school?"

"Mama, when I get bigger, I will go to school too!" Nicky exclaimed, bracing herself on her mother's shoulders.

"Yes," Galina nodded, as she picked up the corduroy jumper. "But I get to keep you with me for a little bit longer. And you need to stop wearing pull-ups if you want to go to school too."

"Mmm...not yet," Nicky said stubbornly, shaking her head and making her curly locks bounce. "I'll stay with you, Mama."

Galina couldn't resist a smile as she finished helping Nicky dress. The little girl looked adorable and her mother couldn't resist putting a red bow in her hair before they left the room. It was pulled out before they even reached the kitchen.

"I don't like that," Nicky informed her, holding the bow out for her mother to take. She waited impatiently for Galina to help Vasily latch onto her breast to nurse and then handed her the bow.

"It looks so pretty in your hair," Galina protested, though she did not pursue the subject. She had thought having a daughter would mean she would get to enjoy doing more girly things with her but Nicky very rarely went along with them. She screamed like it was an exorcism when her mother attempted to wash or comb her hair and would rip out hair ornaments even as a baby.

"What's for breakfast, Mama?" Maxim asked, as he crawled up onto his chair. "I'm so hungry…"

"Scrambled eggs," Galina replied. She had already scrambled the eggs up and set them in the fridge earlier, which made cooking now a much easier process which was needed when she needed one arm to hold Vasily while she nursed him simultaneously. Four kids in, Galina had become fairly adept at multitasking.

"Guess what?" Nicky sang, climbing up onto her own chair. "Today I get to come to your school."

"No, you don't," Yuri replied. "You're too little."

"Yes, I am," Nicky argued. "Right, mama?"

"Nicky, remember I told you that it was supposed to be a surprise?" Galina asked, her lips twisting in a smile.

"Are the cupcakes a surprise too?" Nicky asked innocently.

"We get cupcakes?" Maxim asked excitedly.

"Yes," Galina nodded, unable to resist the urge to laugh now. "We're going to bring them by for your school Valentine's Day Party so you can have one this afternoon."

"Chocolate," Nicky added.

"No…." Yuri replied. "I want the white kind…"

"No, it's chocolate," Nicky replied. "Right, Mama?"

"We'll make both," Galina answered, halting the fight she knew was coming without even turning around. As Vasily continued to nurse on her left side, Galina used her right hand to dish a small serving of eggs onto each plate and set them down on the table in front of each child.

XXX

"You, my little girl, are very bad at keeping secrets," Galina exclaimed, picking Nicky up into her free arms, once she had gotten Yuri and Maxim on the bus to school, and had slipped Vasily into his swing. She kissed the tip of Nicky's nose and then sat her back down on her chair.

"Let's make our treats before the baby wakes up," Galina suggested. She opened the cabinet to pull out two large mixing bowls for the different batters and then went to the pantry for ingredients.

She measured everything out herself but allowed Nicky to be the one to pour each ingredient in. When it was time to mix everything together, Nicky placed her little hand overtop her mother's on the electric beater. Mercifully, Vasily stayed asleep in his swing, peacefully lulled by the sound of his big sister's laughter as she enjoyed having her mother's full attention on just herself for the first time since he had come home from the hospital.

"I want to eat that," Nicky announced, pointing at the remaining chocolate batter in the bowl after her mother had poured the rest into the cupcake pan.

"Go for it," Galina replied simply, handing Nicky a large spoon so she could feed herself the chocolate.

"And that one too," Nicky continued, pointing at the vanilla that Yuri had requested and which she hadn't wanted to make in the first place.

"Okay," Galina replied simply.

"He can't have none," Nicky said, shaking her head as she pointed her finger in Vasily's direction.

"No, that's just for Nicky," Galina agreed. She tried not to smile at the look of elation that flashed across her daughter's face. She could tell how special her daughter was feeling right now to have her complete focus and knew this was exactly what was needed. It was a challenge she faced every day, trying to split herself four different ways and ensure everyone got enough of her.

Often, she felt like a failure, especially when she was running on such little sleep and exclusively breastfeeding a newborn who could never be expected to wait like her bigger kids could. Her hands were full but her heart was even fuller. Galina reminded herself that life would probably never be more hectic or challenging than it currently was but in the end she would remember these days as the best time in her life. The greatest gift she could ever give her children was one another to grow up with. In time, Nicky would learn to be less resentful of her little brother and realize she was lucky to have him. Until then, Galina resolved to be patient and love her a little harder when she needed it the most.

Galina got the cupcakes into the oven and began doing cleanup while Nicky licked her chocolate covered spoon and dripped batter onto the apron her mother was grateful, she had had the foresight to cover her clothes with before they began baking.

"All done, honey?" Galina asked, turning away from the sink she was filling up with sudsy water so she could take the bowls to wash.

"Uh huh," Nicky nodded, licking the back of her hand where some had dripped. "Delicious!"

Galina smiled as she gathered everything up and carried them over to the sink so that she could begin the dishes. Vasily was starting to stir in his swing. He would be awake shortly and then she would need to sit down and nurse him, so she was hoping that Nicky would be content to play with her toys herself for a little while. Lunch needed to be made, the cupcakes would need to be iced, and then she would undoubtedly have to feed the baby again before they could attempt the walk down the street to the school.

Sometimes Galina seriously didn't know how she was going to do it all, but every day it managed to get done. Her plate was full and even hiring an assistant to run her store while she took a brief maternity leave did little to lighten her load. It was all worth it though, Galina had always believed that.

As if she could read her mind, Nicky skipped over to hug her legs at that very moment. "I love you," she said, "you're the best mama in the whole world," and Galina felt her heart surge with validation and complete adoration for her child. Maybe she wasn't really the best mother in the world, but she knew without a doubt that she was the luckiest.


End file.
